Episode 1:
         Lila walked out on the stage as nervous as she could possibly be.  She felt like hyperventilating, and then, and then she saw him.  Him the man that made such a difference, the school critic, he could make or break you.  He could send you sailing with high praise, and then you would be the most popular, the most attractive, the most funny, the most liked, just the most a person could be.  That rarely if ever happened.  Mostly he disliked everything he reviewed, but the worst part was if he hated it, his deathblow as some would call it.  He could write the most painful critique so that you would be sobbing and contemplating ending your life, where if you were smart you would, because after a review like that you would be shamed and ostracized.  How could a person as lame as he hold such power?  It doesn’t matter how, what matters is that he does.  Lila started to take deep breaths, and then she saw her.  A person who mattered more than some newspaper geek, it was Kerri.  She looked in her eyes, and suddenly had all the strength she needed.  Lila just opened her mouth and song spilled out of her.  When she finished, she cried.  Her parents were there, her sisters were there, and her friends and teachers were there.  They were all there to hear her sing, but she never noticed them, she never thought of them.  All she could think about was Kerri, Kerri and last night.  After years of doubt, lies, and self-loathing she saw a truth.
         She was at a party and was starting to feel a buzz; she thought that was the best part of the night.  Just about the time you forget, she longed for it constantly.  She saw a girl sitting on the shag carpet by the television; she had on a red dress with gold clasps on the shoulders.  She was curled up and running her hand over the orange mane-like floor covering.  Her hair was brown, short, in the style known as a “Bob” in the 30’s when it was so hip.  Her eyes were soft gray, and lonely.  Lila stood in the hall for a long moment admiring the girl’s figure.  She looked at her beer and thought she ought to get more, anything to distract her thoughts.  So she broke her gaze and turned to leave the way she came.
         “You can come in if you want to....” a soft squeak of a voice called out.  Lila turned to find the girl was speaking to her.  “I’d like it if you did, come in that is.”
         Lila smiled.  A real smile, she didn’t know what it was about this girl, but she wanted to be her.  They talked throughout the night, and as the new day came closer; and she reveled all her secrets to the girl who was fully trusting to revel her own secrets to Lila; Lila realized she did not want to be this girl, she wanted to be “with” her.  Her name was Kerri.  Lila looked in her eyes when she realized this, and the moment stopped, they just sat looking into each other’s eyes.  The strangest feeling came over Lila, and she knew Kerri felt the same way.  They just sat, for hours it seemed, although it could have been minutes.
         A disruption came from another part of the house and time started moving again.  The police had come to break up the party.  A neighbor probably called.  They got up, and left the back way.  They ran down the street so fast, but still holding hands.  They ran till they were out of breath.  Then the hopped the fence to the park, they ran into the woods, giggling and euphoric.  Lila had never felt a high like this before, and the odd thing was she was sober by then.  They started to slip on the wet leaves, so they stopped by an oak tree.  Lila looked at Kerri, she grinned and drew her close.  Never more scared and never more excited, she put her lips to Kerri’s, she tasted sweet from flavored lip-gloss.  She felt Kerri’s hands slip around her as she returned the kiss.  There never was so much heat.  Lila ran her fingers through Kerri’s hair, and Kerri kissed her neck so soft and gentle a slow moan came from inside Lila.  They were fused together, spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, literally.....
         Lila could still feel the rain lightly cover her body, even as she exited the stage.  She still felt Kerri’s breath, and was still smelling her hair.  The sweet lip-gloss remained on her lips through out the day.  She sighs.  Still full of emotion, as if her feet have not touched the ground since she spotted that girl on the orange shag carpet.
         Her parents give her flowers and are saying something, she doesn’t notice or care.  Lila keeps an ever vigilant eye out for Kerri.  She does not see her.  She waits, and still she does not come.  Lila sends her parents home with a lame excuse; she waits, till it is certain everyone is gone.  She waits.... for Kerri....
 
Episode 2:
         Monday came and Lila still felt like she was waiting.  She cried all day Sunday, and all night.  She had never felt so abandoned, so rejected, so alone.  She wondered if this was what a broken heart felt like.  She could not bear it anymore, she thinks about the quote, “It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.”  At this moment she disagreed.  As much pleasure, excitement, and joy she experienced, it was just as painful to lose that.  She clenched her teeth.  She kept her eyes focused on the floor as she walked through the halls.  Someone started talking to her, she didn’t notice, all she could hear was the rage in her heart.  Now she was angry.  Why?  She doesn’t know.  All morning she carried on like this.  Her friends all got mad at her for being cold, she didn’t care.  Lunchtime came, and her friend called her over to the table, she turned the other way and left the cafeteria.  She spent her lunch period hiding in the bathroom; she didn’t want to see anyone.  She just didn’t care.  She was supposed to go with her friends to the soccer game to watch her friend Jack play.  She went to Jack seventh period and told him she had to bail, he was pissed and asked why, she told him she would just be a jinx.  He didn’t get it, he thought after the good job she did at Saturday’s talent show she would be happy.
         After school she walked around, the last thing she wanted was to see people, and if she went home she would be stuck with her mother.  She was walking around in no particular direction for about 2 hours when she came upon the park.  The same park from Friday night.  Her heart started beating again; she felt tears start to build up in her eyes.  She walked into the wooded area, searching for the oak tree.  She saw it, and Kerri was sitting under it.  Lila wanted to run away; she wanted to get out as fast as she could.
         Kerri looked up in surprise.  She smiled.  “Are you upset?  Or ok with it?”
         Lila was having trouble breathing.  “What do you mean?”  She said as coldly as she could.
         “Your upset.  I’m sorry, I should have known better, than to....” She trailed off.  Her eyes got a little redder, andwetter.  She took a deep breath, “It’s my fault, and I’m sorry... I just...  Oh never mind.”
         “Why are you getting upset?  You rejected me.”  Lila snapped, she regretted the remark as soon as she said it.
         Kerri looked up, amazed, “Rejected you?  When did I...  I thought you were upset about what we did?”
         Lila couldn’t believe her ears, “Why would I be mad about what we did?  You were there you saw I enjoyed it.”  She let a small giggle pass her lips, “Well enjoy is really the understatement of the century.”
         Kerri grinned, “Then your not mad?”
         “I am mad about Saturday!”
         “Why?”  Kerri looked confused.  “You were wonderful.  It was so beautiful, and you must be really talented because I felt like you were singing just for me.”
         “I was...” Lila whispered.  “I was really hurt that you just left, I wanted to see you.  I almost ran right off that stage, but then I saw you.  When you left, it was like I was not important.  Like Friday didn’t even happen.”
         Kerri frowned, “No, Friday was the best night of my life.  I wished it didn’t have to end.”  Kerri drew close to Lila.
         “I never did that before...”
         “Me either!”  Kerri protested.  “I just wish I met you sooner so I could have.”  She smiled and threw her arms around Lila.
         Lila felt all the hurt slip away, and she became very afraid.  She was scared of how vulnerable she had become, she never let her true emotions out before this.  She has become so used to protecting and pretending who she was, it was frightening to have the very core of yourself exposed.  That’s why she was in so much pain over a miscommunication; she got a brief glimpse of what could be.  She shudders.  Kerri takes her to her house; Kerri’s mom works so they don’t have to worry about seeing anyone.
         They sat on Kerri’s bed and just talked for hours, they ate junk food, listened to music, and held each other.  Time was endless, to Lila it only seemed like minutes, but when they herd someone coming in the front door, they realized it was nighttime.  Lila froze; she didn’t know what to do.
         “Here, climb out the window, I’m not supposed to have friends over this late.”  Kerri’s mom called from the living room.  “Just a second, let me finish these last sentences.”  Kerri called back to her mom.
         Lila looked out the window, it was on the ground floor so it really was no big deal, she turned to Kerri and kissed her.  It was a mistake to kiss; it just elevated their already high temperatures.  Lila wanted to do more than kiss, and from the way Kerri and Lila were pawing at each other; they knew they both wanted it.  The footsteps drew closer and Lila jumped out the window, she didn’t even notice that she left her crew sweater on Kerri’s bed.
         Kerri turned from the window to see her mother in the doorway.  There were sweat beads starting to breakout on her forehead, her heart was racing, and she was having trouble breathing.
         Her mom looked at her and asked, “Wasn’t Sharon supposed to stay over for dinner?”
 
Episode 3:
         All week Lila was on cloud nine.  She sang while she showered and whistled as she set the table.  She hummed as she took out the garbage, and was constantly day dreaming.  Her family started to worry that she was on drugs, because no one, let alone their cold daughter, could ever be that happy with out being on something.
         Every day in school she counted the minutes till she would see Kerri.  She would walk as fast as she could to meet her at the park, and then they would go to Kerri’s house.  Lila felt like she was on drugs, she was addicted to Kerri, and every day she needed her fix or else she would start jonesing.  It didn’t matter what they did just as long as they were together.  Being with Kerri even made economics homework enjoyable.  For the first time in her life, Lila wasn’t thinking, she was just living.  Living for the moment, as the saying goes. 
         It was Friday; she couldn’t believe it came so fast.  She was headed to the nurse’s office; she had to ask the nurse for blankets.  The Home Ec. class needed them.  She was thinking of Kerri, she couldn’t help it.  Kerri invaded her thoughts all day, when she brushed her teeth, when she cleaned up after her dog, when a teacher called on her in class, and most of all her favorite time, when she was sleeping.
         Lila went in to the nurse’s office and gave her the note her Home Ec. teacher sent with her.  The nurse told her they were in the next room, and to ask the girl in there to get them for her.  Lila went to the next room; it was the room where the nurse let people complaining of illness lie down.  She noticed a girl hunched over a filing cabinet.  Her heart started beating, it was Kerri, she could tell from only the back of her head.  Lila looked around, no one was in sight, she tiptoed up to Kerri and gave a small kiss on the back of her neck.
         Kerri spun around so fast she got dizzy.  She looked up to see Lila.  “What are you doing here?”
         “I don’t know why I thought you went to East High, this is a great surprise.”  Lila chuckled.
         Kerri was confused,  “You really shouldn’t do that here you know, I mean, not that I, well its just that I, what I mean is...” Kerri grinned.
         “You get tongue tied easily, don’t you,” Lila smiled.  “Don’t worry I checked to make sure no one was around.”  Lila looked around and whispered, “By the way, I was wondering what you were doing tonight.”
         “Well I had hoped I would meet you tonight, seeing as that has become a nice pattern.”  Kerri giggled.  “What’s wrong?”
         “Nothing it’s just that today is Friday and...”
         “Wow, it is already?  My mom comes home early on Fridays,” Kerri seemed uneasy, “Well and you know...”
         “No friends are allowed when she is home.  We could go somewhere else, my dad doesn’t use his car much on the weekends so I could ask to borrow it.”  Lila licked her lips nervously, she realized she was talking about a date, an actual date.  It was scary, after this there would be no denying anymore.  Just then the nurse came in, both Lila and Kerri stiffened.
         “Did you get what you want?”  The nurse barked.
         “What?!”  Lila snapped, then she realized what the nurse meant, “Um, no, actually she was just going to get me the blankets.”
         Kerri took a second to focus, “Right, I was just getting them.”  Kerri grabbed a step stool and climbed up to reach the top shelf.  She was wearing a brown suede skirt, and Lila couldn’t help but watch as the skirt lifted slightly as Kerri grabbed the blankets.  Suddenly she became aware of what she was doing, she became uncomfortable and was afraid of what the nurse was thinking.
         Kerri got down off the ladder, she handed Lila the blankets and whispered, “Meet me at the park around 6:30.”
         Lila left and headed back to class, she was all conflicted inside.  She just realized that her life couldn’t remain a living fantasy.  She just wished she could be with Kerri and not have to do anything thing else.  She realized that she was more than uncomfortable with the idea of people know what she and Kerri did, she was frightened of it.
         When she came close to the classroom she noticed her friend Nicole was waiting in the hall.  When she got closer Nicole pulled her aside, “Listen I don’t know what has been going on with you this week.  You have been acting really weird.”
         “I know and I am sorry, it’s just...”
         “Look, I don’t care.  That’s what best friends are for, but you have got to come to this party tonight.”  She handed Lila a flyer.  “There will be so many cute guys there.  And if you don’t go everyone is going to be really mad at you.  It’s Jack’s birthday today and you haven’t even wished him a happy, let alone meet with us to plan something.”
         “No, today, I thought is was,” Lila thought silently and realized she totally blew off one of her oldest friends.  It totally slipped her mind, she was only thinking of Kerri for the last week.  “Today, its today, I feel awful.”
         “It’s ok, the day isn’t over.  Just meet us tonight and no one will know,” Nicole smiled.  “We are meeting at BK, be there by 5:30, no later, got it.”
         “Defiantly, I will defiantly be there.  That gives me just enough time to change and get my dad’s car.”  Lila agreed, she said goodbye and hurried into her last class.
 
Episode 4:
         Lila was rushing like a mad woman just to leave her house on time; she was in her dad’s Saturn and was speeding to Burger King.  She kept looking at the time and asking god to help her get there on time.  She pulled into the parking lot, and parked where her friends were.  She got out and went inside.
         “We were beginning to think you weren’t coming.”  Jack called out to her as she hurried in.
         “I almost didn’t make it,” Lila smiled back.  “But I love you too much to miss this.”  She walked over to jack and gave him a hug and a present.  “This is for you, actually my dog made such a mess just before I left and I had to clean it.  It was oh so gross.”
         “Yuk,” Nicole made a face, “See now that is why I do not have any animals.  Ok are we ready?  We are going to Morphine, so everyone follow me, I know the way.”  She smiled in that Miss America smile she has.  Lila doesn’t know how she does it, she is always so happy and great.  Nicole whispered to Lila as they walked out, “You brought your fake ID, right?”
         Lila nodded, she got into her dad’s car and followed the procession of cars out of the lot and down Main Street.  Lila took a deep breath.  They turned down Oak, and Lila felt her stomach sink as they passed the park.  She saw Kerri sitting on a bench in the dark.  Lila had to dig her nails into her thigh to keep from pulling over.  She bit her lip, hard.  She was having hateful thoughts, about herself.  She knew she had to go with her friends, that it was the right thing to do, she just wished she could have gotten a hold of Kerri to cancel.  She was fraught with guilt, and what was worse was her every fiber wanted to run to Kerri and forget about her friends.  She knew this fixation couldn’t be healthy.  Lila never thought anyone could ever have this kind of power over her.  She hated how weak it made her feel.
         They got to the club and everyone waited on line patiently with their flyers and IDs.  Nicole looked at Lila, “If I didn’t know better I would think you weren’t having a good time?”
         “Oh no, it’s not that, I just, well I have a lot on my mind.”  Lila smiled, she wished she could tell Nicole what was wrong, but she knew Nicole would never understand.  How could she, Lila didn’t even understand.  As they got closer to the door, Lila looked at her ID, she did not want to be there.  She peeled up on the lamination, letting one corner curl up.  When it came time to show IDs the bouncer took one look at Lila’s ID and told her to get the hell out of there.  Lila’s friends tried to help, but there was nothing they could do.
         “You guys go in and have fun, we can meet after, or tomorrow at the game, I don’t want to spoil it for you.”  Lila insisted with all sincerity.
         “But we want you to come, it won’t be as fun,” Nicole protested, she looked at the group.  “I’ll stay with you.”
         Lila panicked, “No, Jack make her go in.”
         “Come on Nicole, it’s my birthday so you have to come in, and Lila are you sure, we could do something else?”
         “No!  Really it’s fine, I’ll meet you at the game.”  Lila left and raced to the park, she prayed and prayed she would not be too late.  She got to the park at 7:30.  No one was there.
         Lila screamed and cursed.  She howled into the night, she cursed herself.  She ran to the Oak tree, not a soul.  She was frantic, she went to Kerri’s house and looked in the windows from the road.  Only an older woman stood in the kitchen.  Lila went back to Burger King to get dinner, she felt like a total loser.  She ordered her food and when she waited for it she heard a small soft squeak of a laugh.  It was Kerri’s laugh.  Lila knew that laugh by heart, it was in her heart.  She looked in the dinning room and saw Kerri sitting with a red headed girl in glasses.  She couldn’t take her eyes away, her mind raced trying to find a solution.
         “Hey miss, you want your food or not?”  The kid behind the counter called to Lila.  Kerri looked up and saw her.
         “Oh yeah,” Lila smiled as she took her bags.  She looked back and saw Kerri headed right for her.  Kerri walked right past her and outside.  Lila followed her to the parking lot.
         Kerri turned around and gave Lila a look, it was a look of disdain.  “You asked, not me, it was you!”  Kerri snapped.
         “I’m sorry I was late I couldn’t get a hold of you, my dad wouldn’t...” Lila started to plead.
         “What?  Am I stupid?”  Kerri growled.  “I saw you.  Driving a green Saturn?”
         “Ok your right, I just didn’t want to tell you.”  Lila admitted.  “I had already made plans, and I was gonna cancel them...”
         “Stop lying!”  Kerri yelled, then she pulled the flyer from Lila’s denim coat pocket.  “These were put out today.  I know cause my mom owns the print shop that printed them.  Look I am not just gonna be here when you want and tossed when it is inconvenient, or you get a better offer.  So go to hell, and never, I mean never talk to me again.”
         “Kerri, I...” She put her hand up and then the red head came out, they got in a Chevette and drove away.
 
Episode 5:
         Lila’s eyes burned with tears, she tore off to Kerri’s house and waited across the street in her dad’s car.  Kerri didn’t come back till 3 am, she got out of the Chevette and said goodbye to the red head.  The Chevette drove away and she saw the Saturn.  She walked across the street and got in the passenger side.  “It was a good party.  You should have went.”  Kerri let out coldly.
         “I ruined my ID.  So I could leave, and come see you.  I didn’t want to go, but it was one of my oldest friends birthday and it was expected I go.  That’s what I meant when I said I had previously made plans, I just forgot.”  Lila whispered.
         Kerri looked around, “Why didn’t you just cancel, or come and tell me.  I would have understood.”
         “It was far too complicated.”
         “I’m sure.”  Kerri rolled her eyes.  “I am risking a lot spending time with you, but I didn’t care, cause I thought it was worth it.”
         “I am too!”  Lila argued.  “My friends almost dumped me, tonight was my last chance and I think I blew it.  I lie to my parents, I am out way past curfew, and am probably going to get grounded, then I won’t get to go to the game tomorrow.”
         “Oh no, you’ll miss a game.”  Kerri retorted in a snotty tone.  “My whole life revolves around this lie that I am normal, but I am not.  I pretend, or was pretending to like guys, but I know that’s not true.  I know I have been gay my whole life!”  Kerri shouted, then she whispered, “Wow, I never said that out loud before.  It’s kinda scary, and kinda cool.”
         Lila licks her lips, and sniffs back tears.  “At least you knew, I didn’t, not on a conscience level at least.  I knew I was different, but I always thought it was bad.”  Lila wipes at her tears.  “You have changed my life so much, and I can’t go back, I don’t want to.  I really like you but I don’t know what I am doing.”
         “Me either.”  Kerri whispered through tears.  “I don’t know what to say now.”
         Lila stops crying.  She flips down the mirror and looks in and says, “I’m gay.”  She starts crying again.  “Your right, it’s scary, but also it feels like a weight has been lifted.”
         Kerri leans over and kisses Lila.  It is sweet and tender.  “Come inside.  I’ll let you in the window.”  She gets out of the car and heads inside.  Without even thinking Lila is outside Kerri’s window waiting.  She takes a deep breath.  She is terrified with excitement.  She hears music start, it’s only slightly loud.  The window opens, and Lila climbs in.  Kerri holds a finger over her lips.  “Speak softly, and Mom won’t hear us over the music, my door is locked.”
         Kerri guides Lila to her bed and starts softly kissing her neck.  She is very gentle, Lila feels every kiss like an ocean’s tide.  Suddenly she gets very tense, she is afraid of what is about to happen.  Kerri whispers in her ear, not to worry, nothing will happen tonight.  Lila presses her lips to Kerri’s, their body temperatures rise, they fall into a frenzy, every kiss making them wantanother.  They hunger for it.  Lila slips her hand under Kerri’s shirt, Kerri lets her.  Every breath is like a hurricane, and every pause is like and eternity.  “Let’s not fight again.  I hated it.”
         “Ok,” Lila groaned.  “Let’s not hurt each other either, promise?”
         “Definitely,” Kerri moaned.
         Birds sang in the distance, Lila opened her eyes and realized where she was.  She rolled over and watched Kerri wakeup.  Their eyes were locked.  Lila felt a kind of comfort she has never felt in all her life.  Suddenly they both jumped up and blurted, “What time is it?”
         It was 10:30, Lila quickly pulled on her pants and grabbed her shoes.  Kerri fumbled on the floor looking for clean clothes.  Lila bent down and kissed Kerri, “See ya.”  She jumped out of the window and hopped in the car and drove off.
 
Episode 6:
         Lila was out of breath when she got to the soccer fields.  She looked around and spotted her friends, she started to walk towards them and realized that everywhere she went these days she was always out of breath.  “Time to slow down,” She thought, “Or you will have a heart attack.”  She sat next to Nicole and scanned the field for Jack.  He was on defense, she watched him with full and complete attention.  She could focus now, it was amazing, all morning she hadn’t made one stupid mistake because her mind was elsewhere.  What was even more amazing was that she remembered she had to be here.  The only reason she was rushed was she had to walk her dog.  She had forgotten how much fun it was to hang out with her friends, she wasn’t wishing to be somewhere else.  She was so pleased with herself.  “I am acting like a normal human being.”  She mused to herself.  It was a close game, it was tied up until the end but the opposing team scored just in time for Jack’s team to lose.  Everyone was down and upset, but Lila was happy because she enjoyed herself.  She tried very hard not to smile.  She ran up to Jack after the field had cleared.  “Hey, bet you’re all sour, did this ruin your birthday?”
         “That was yesterday.”  Jack smiled as he started to unhook the net, “It’s ok, I’m not all grumpy.  So are you going to tell me where you have been?”
         Lila struggled to help Jack roll up the net.  “What?  When do you mean?”  Lila panicked, “Did he mean last night?”  She thought.
“Well you did a Copperfeild all week,” Jack looked down at her and grinned.  “Do I know him?”
         Lila thought for a bit, “How did you?  Wait, you don’t know anything.”
         Jack bit his lip, “I knew it, what else could explain how you are furious one day and blissful the next, that and why you skin is so clear.”
         “It is?”  Lila tripped on a stone, but she caught herself before she dropped the net.  “I don’t think you two know each other.  We met at last Friday’s party, I never felt this way before, and you of all people know that.  It’s crazy and I feel crazy.  I don’t know how to explain.”
         “You got it bad, so when do I meet this Romeo?”  He motioned to a couple of trees along the fence, “It goes over here.”
         “Ok,” They dropped the net and put a tarp over it.  Then they sat down under the shade.  “Oh, and never.  You will never meet.  You have to promise me this is secret, ok?  You can’t tell a soul, not even Nicole.”
         “What, is he a total geek?”
         “Not in the least, but, it’s kind of private.  You know, I just don’t want anything bad to happen.  Do you promise?”  She gave Jack her pleading puppy dog eyes that he could never say no to.
         “You got my word.”  Jack looks around, “Huh, looks like everyone is gone.  Nicole and the guys left.”  He looks at Lila, “Want to go see a movie?  We can go in all grubby looking and stink up the place.”
         “Sounds like fun.”  They took the Saturn to a theater one town over, just in case they saw someone they knew.  They bought popcorn and went into the theater, it was only half full.  They talked during the whole movie and laughed too loud.  They weren’t afraid of disturbing anyone because everyone else was making out.  They started to have a popcorn fight and some of the popcorn flew at a couple sitting a few rows ahead.  The guy got up and was yelling really loudly at them, he was enormous in size.  Lila started to apologize but he wasn’t happy, so she told him to chill and he got angrier.  That’s when his girlfriend started to ask him to calm down and not make a scene.  Lila thought she was going to die, she knew that soft squeakish voice.  That was Kerri’s voice, the girlfriend turned around and sure enough, even in the dark, Lila could tell it was Kerri.  She stood up and as clear as she could she said, “Don’t let me disturb you, Kerri.”  Then she ran out of the theater, and prayed Jack was behind her and not talking to Kerri.  When she got outside she turned around and saw that he was right behind her.  She sank to the ground and started to think of a plausible excuse.  She fought back the tears that were stinging her eyes.  “God, don’t you hate it when you get stabbed in the back?”
         “What do you mean?  What was all that?”  Jack thought for a minute, “Does this have something to do with the guy?”
         “I don’t want to get into details, but you are on the right track.  I think I have been dumped, or cheated on at least.”  Lila sighs, then chooses her words very carefully as to avoid lying outright.  “The one I am nut’s about was supposed to be doing something else, and seeing her in there, proves it was lie.”
         “Ah, so his cover is blown.”  Jack putts his jacket on,  “Come on, you are in need of ice cream, then you will tell me his name so I can murder him.”
         Lila smiled, and followed Jack to the car.  They drowned her sorrows in chubby-hubby ice cream.  Lila actually felt slightly better, she went home and hid in her room.  She lay on her bed with her dog trying to sleep.  She rolled over and looked at her clock radio, it was 11:37 pm.  Full of frustration she got the leash and threw on her sweats.  She told her folks that she was walking the dog and left.  She thought to herself how happy she was her folks believed her when she said she went out early that morning, if she had gotten grounded for a girl who didn’t even care she would have been really pissed.  She was kicking at the ground as hateful thoughts consumed her.  She didn’t know what she was going to do, the more she knew this girl the more she got hurt.  She thought more and admitted that the more she knew her the more joy she felt also.  Lila missed the joy, she wished she could go back and feel it again.  She bit her lip as she came close to the park.  Her heart beat faster every time she passed it.  She crossed to the other side of the street and fixed her eyes on the ground.  Lila heard footsteps running toward her.  She took a deep breath scarred it was a mugger, she turned around and saw it was worse than a mugger.  It was Kerri.  “Go away!”
         “Please, let me explain,” Kerri begged with a hint of pain in her voice.  “I didn’t want to hurt you, but it was kind of like what you had last night.  Previous engagement and all.  I just..”
         “Hello?  You were down each other's throats.  He was getting action under your tee-shirt!”  Lila hollered, “How do you think I felt, I mean, I thought, well it doesn’t matter.  I can’t believe you are capable of something like this.”
         “Look I have been dating Jeff since I was thirteen,” Kerri tries to explain.
         “Oh good.”  Lila wipes at her eye, “I’m the home wrecker.”
         “No, I mean, I just dated him, cause, I am terrified of people finding out.”  Kerri starts to tear up.  “I just though if I dated him I was safe.”
         “No!”  Lila barked.  “Don’t you cry, you don’t have the right.  You hurt me!  After you promised.”
         “I’m sorry, I just well I wanted to dump him when he was home this weekend, but I thought I would save it for Sunday before he left.  I didn’t want to spoil his trip.”  Kerri looks down at the ground.  “I just, wish I could go back.  You must know I don’t like it when he touches me, his kisses feel odd and foreign.  Not like yours.”
         “Stop!  Don’t go there.”
         “Sorry, I couldn’t help it.  It’s how my mind wanders.  I think the real reason is I date him is cause I hope eventually it will make me normal.  I hate lying.”  Kerri sniffs.  “I am so scared what my mom would say, if she would still want me.”
         “What?  Do you think you own those feelings?”  Lila huffs.  “Even straight people think like that, or so it seems from talking with my friends.  People don’t date and make out with people they are not interested in, or they shouldn’t.”
         “I sent him back to school, right after you left.”  Kerri looked up and put her hand to Lila’s shoulder.  I want to do the right thing, tell me what I have to do?”
         “The pain won’t go away.”
         “I know.”
         “So you sent him away, but did you tell him?
         “Not everything.  I broke up with him, and told him it wasn’t someone else, but that I just couldn’t deal with the long distance thing.  If I told him it was someone else, he wouldn’t have left till he hurt someone.  I couldn’t tell him the rest, I just couldn’t.”
         “Good, so he is gone?”
         “You bet.”
         “There is no one else?”
         “Not a soul, I swear.”  Kerri lifted Lila’s chin with her finger.  “I only want you.”
         Lila pulled back.  “Well I’ll see you during the week.  I can’t see you till then, I need time to get my bearings back.  I can’t take the ups and downs on top of each other.  I’ll see you Monday.”  Lila walked away and didn’t look back to see if Kerri agreed.  She cried the whole way home.
 
Episode 7:
         All weekend Lila locked herself in her room.  She hated how she felt and she desperately wanted to forgive Kerri, but she was afraid to.  Afraid to be hurt again, and afraid to leave herself exposed.  What scared her more was really frightening, that was what if she never felt this way about someone again.  What if she went on her whole live and never felt true acceptance and joy?  Lila knew she must be exaggerating things and that at her young age she had no right to complain, still she was in agony.
         On Monday morning she woke up before her alarm went off.  “This is it,” She thought.  It was time to put her heart out and let it be vulnerable to being hurt.  She walked through the halls just waiting.
         She was startled by Jack’s voice as he ran up to her.  “So now can I kill him?”
         Lila bit her lip and smiled.  “You are not killing anyone, you are going to math class with me.”
         “OK, ok,” Jack put his hands up in surrender.  “He is forgiven I take it?”  Jack looked down at Lila trying to read her expressions.  “Ok, you aren’t giving any detail, fine, fine.  Hey, did you apologize to that girl?”  He pointed down the hall to Kerri.  “Come on, go apologize.”
         As Jack dragged Lila down the hall to Kerri, dread filled her.  “Hi,” Lila blurted out when she was in front of Kerri.  “I wanted to say I’m sorry.”
         Jack nudged Lila, “See ya, love.”
         “Bye,” Lila half whispered.  She looked at Kerri, “How are you doing?”
         “Ok, um, does he know, I mean...” Kerri paused and took a deep breath.  “Why did you tell?  It’s my secret too you know.”
         “What?  He doesn’t know, he made me apologize about the scene in the theater, he has no clue.”  Lila paused as she licked her lips.  She was looking at Kerri’s dress, it was white with pink flowers.  She couldn’t keep herself from admiring the way it scooped down at the neck, Kerri had a beautiful neck, and her bob haircut only accented the length.  The bell rang and Lila woke up from her daze.  “What do you have this period?”
         “Um, a music lesson.  Why?”
         “Let’s cut out.”  Lila looked at Kerri with pleading eyes.  “We have to get things straight.”
         “Ok, I know a place.”  Lila followed Kerri down the stairs to the janitors room, “Right through here,” Kerri smiled as she crawled through a small door.  Lila followed through the darkness, and they went through two more small openings till they were in a dark room.
         “Where are we?”  Lila asked as a chill ran all through her.
         Kerri lit a match and lighted a candle that was on the floor.  “We are under the stage.  They use this to store props, I know because I was in crew.”  Kerri sat on the ground next to a pile of drapes.  “There is a trap door in the stage that leads here, but they never use it.  No one can hear us up there.  I used to hide down here during rehearsals.”
         “Anyone else know about this?”  Lila got on her knees and looked around.
         “You do.”  Kerri grinned, then she crawled over to Lila and kissed her.  “Can we go back to the way things were?”
         “I want to.”  Lila looked deep into Kerri’s eyes, “It’s just that this is so hard.  I’m scared that we can’t help but hurt each other.  I don’t want to be hurt, and I don’t want to hurt you.”
         Kerri took a deep breath.  “Well I don’t think it is ever going to be easy, I hate to admit it but your right.  We are going to keep hurting each other.  It is unavoidable, but do you know what would hurt more?”  She paused and took a breath.  “Not being with you would hurt a whole lot more, and it would be a hell of a lot harder.”
         Lila looked at Kerri and nodded, she couldn’t speak, she was too afraid her voice would start to crack.  She leaned over and ran her fingers through Kerri’s hair, she then leaned in for a kiss.  There it was, the flavored kiss that brought her blood to a boil.  It was a good fix.  Lila couldn’t control herself, her hands had a mind all their own and her brain shut off.  Only her heart could think, and it wanted to be a part of Kerri in every way.  Lila could tell Kerri was feeling the same thing, every touch increased the frenzy, and every kiss made the waters rise.  Lila didn't think she could take much more of this.  Her heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to fly out of her chest.
           Suddenly Kerri pulled back, “Um... what happened to talking?”  She laughed nervously.  “No seriously, I think we should go.”
         “I think your right.  I am no way near ready for what I want to do, I mean...” Lila bit her lip to stop from saying the wrong thing.  “I just think everything is so new that rushing things would be a mistake, don’t you?”
         “My point exactly.  Not that I don’t want to, well you know.”  Kerri smiled and blew out the candle.  “Come on, we’ll go out this way,” Kerri stood up and reached for the ceiling, she opened it and started to climb out.  “The trap door, remember?”
         They left the auditorium giggling to themselves, the bell rang as they got out in the hall.  People were pushing past them and Lila couldn’t help but think that everyone was starring at them, even though she knew it wasn’t possible.  Lila’s eyes caught Kerri’s, and Kerri smiled.  Lila felt like Kerri knew her every thought.
         “Lila!”  A voice from the crowd called out, Jack was running up to them.  “So what happened to math class?”  He looked at Kerri and smiled, “Hi, by the way, my name is Jack.”
         “Well hello back, I’m Kerri.”  Kerri responded uneasily.  “And I’m late.  So I got to go, see ya.”  She quickly walked away.
         “Wow, she is real cute.”  Jack drooled, “You just got to put in a good word for me.”
         Lila thought for a moment.  “I don’t think it would help Jack.  She is kind of involved.  Oh look there is Nicole let’s hurry and catch up with her.”  As they quickly made their way down the hall Lila couldn’t help but be pleased with Kerri and her first public interaction.  True they only appear to be friends, but that is the best part.  People see them and assume they are just friends.
 
Episode 8:
 
         Lila was quite pleased with how her life was going, she would hang with her friends on Wednesdays, and tell them she was involved with extracurricular activities on the other weekdays, only Jack knew she was meeting someone special on thosedays.  He just thought it was a guy.  Then on the weekends she would spend one day with her friends and one with Kerri.  She thought it was cool cause she could talk to Kerri in school and not freak out.  The only problem was Jack would occasionally hit on Kerri, even after repeated attempts to get him to stop.  Nicole once asked who this girl was, and Lila told her she was a friend of a friend.  Lila made real sure she didn’t lie, too much.  She didn’t want to mislead her friends, but she was not even able to think of another alternative.
         One day Lila and Nicole cut out of Economics class and walked to the Deli.  They were eating their sandwiches when Nicole noticed Kerri across the street outside the pizza place.  She was with that red haired girl, Lila still didn’t know who she was.  The red haired girl had just started hugging Kerri and she kissed her on the cheek.  A singe of jealousy burned in Lila.  She started a mantra in her thoughts, “She is just a friend, She is just a friend, She is just a friend...”
         “That girl is so weird!” Nicole interrupted.  “I found out she works in the nurses office, like she has nothing better to do with her time, and she is in the backstage crew,” She laughed, “Get this, she is in Orchestra, but she sucks at the clarinet.”
         “She is not weird!  She is one of the coolest people I know, she is so laid back and sure of herself, I..., I....” Lila drew in a deep breath.  “Did you ever think that sometimes people do things because they feel they have no choice?”
         Nicole looked taken aback, “Look calm down, I thought you hardly knew her?  I was just telling you what I found out, it seems weird to me. O.k.”
         “Why do you care anyway?
         “You just seem to be spending more time with her lately and I wanted you to know who she was.  I thought I was doing you a favor.”  Nicole took several sips from her Pepsi.  “So she is probably a lesbian anyway.”
         “What, what?  What does that have to do with anything??”  Lila’s skin burned with anger.  This is it, this is how she really can find out how Nicole would react to who she really was.  “First what makes you think that, and second, why is that relevant?”
         “She never goes out on dates, she claims to be dating a college guy, but no one has seen him, and it has been the same excuse for years.  Can you say cover?”  Nicole started wiping crumbs off her jacket, “I just want to warn you before you start planning any sleep-overs.”  Lila’s face was on fire, even though Nicole didn’t know what she was saying to Lila it felt like she knew.  She knew and was talking about her, not Kerri.  Nicole shrugged, “I would just hate to find out that someone I slept next to, or worse, changed in front of was gay!  I mean, she would be checking me out.”
         Lila sat for a minute puzzled.  “I don’t think that's how it works.”  Lila sneezed, “I wouldn’t care.”  The walk back to school was a long and silent one, Lila felt really uncomfortable.  She knew how Nicole was, she had just hoped that someday she would understand.  Although she would be upset to lose Nicole as a friend she knew it was unavoidable.  When everyone splits up and goes to college, it is extremely hard to maintain close relationships.  The only one of her fiends she really feared losing was Jack.  Nicole always said how Lila and she were best friends, but the truth was Lila had known Jack almost all of her life, and would never have met her friends with out him.  Lila was able to tell Jack almost everything, there was only one thing she couldn’t tell him.
         When Lila got to math class Jack was already there, she sat behind him and whispered in his ear, “I need your help after school today.”
         “It’s Wednesday, I got practice and then we are all hanging out.  Remember?”  The teacher came in the class, and everyone got quiet.  After class Jack got up and said, “If you want I’ll skip practice, we can go to my house instead.”
         “No.  Really?”  She hesitated, “Only if you don’t mind.”  They walked through the hall until they came to Kerri’s locker.  “So I’ll see you after school.”  Jack walked off, and she waited for Kerri.  Kerri walked up to her with a huge grin.  “Wow!  You look really happy.”
         “I am ecstatic.”  She giggled,  “I just got really great news.”  She put her books in her locker and shut it.  “So I’ll see you later?  Well actually tomorrow.”
         “Wait what's the good news?”
         Kerri looked confused, “Oh nothing.”  She smiled and walked off in the opposite direction of her class.
         Lila didn’t move, even after the bell rang.  She couldn’t understand why Kerri wouldn’t tell her what's going on.  She started to think about the red head, did this have something to do with her.  Who was she and why hadn’t Kerri ever mentioned her.  They told each other everything, or at least Lila thought so.  Lila told Kerri everything about herself, even things she was scared to admit, because next to their relationship nothing else could be scarier.  After school she met Jack and they walked to his house, she wished she could talk to him about all this, but she knew she couldn’t.  They got snacks and went up to his room, Lila wasn’t sure how to begin, “I’m doing this thing for, well for my writing class.  We were presented with a situation and we have to write our reactions.  It was a random pick, and I got what would you do if.”  Lila gulped down her soda.  “I have to react to, well, my best friend being gay.”
         “Wow!  Isn’t that a little above the average high school head?  I mean talk about controversy.”  Jack shook his head.  “That’s tough, I mean don’t most people find out in college, so isn’t this irrelevant?”
         “Well there was some pretty tough ones, I mean this one girl has to write about her boyfriend dying.”  Lila shrugged, “I want to be real honest, I’m not sure what would happen.  I mean at first I was like ‘I wouldn’t care.’  Now, I don’t know, that's a pretty big secret.  How would you react?”
         “I don’t know, If is was you I would have to be OK with it.  I mean because you’re so close you are like family, and no matter what you always stick with your family.  If it was Jeff or Steve it might be weird, I mean I shower in front of those guys.”  Jack walked to the window and looked past the curtains.  “But I hope I would get over it.  I would hate to be a dick.”
         Lila sat for a bit thinking.  This was good, she figured if in the hypothetical Jack would be OK, then maybe in real life he would be too.  She still wasn’t ready to tell him, but she felt better.  “That's cool.  You are a great guy, you know that Jack?”
         Jack looked back at Lila, “Wow, if I didn’t know any better I would think you were hitting on me.”
         “Gross!”  Lila shrieked.  “That’s sick!”
         “Now I am hurt.”  Jack threw a pillow at her.  “Seriously, what is so wrong with liking me, I mean what makes it gross to even think about it.  I guess, what I mean is have you ever thought about it?  Even subconsciously? Like in a dream?  Anything?”
         Lila sat up; she was completely surprised as to where this conversation was going.  “No, I never thought about it, no dreams or anything.  I mean like you said we are like family so that would be like incest.”
         “Why?  I mean I have, I have had dreams about you.”  Jack smiled, “Don’t think it means anything I never thought like I would want to kiss you or hold you hand.  Or even have a relationship, but I have had sex dreams about you.  Sometimes if you are wearing certain thing I forget who you are and I want to do stuff to you.”  Jack covered his face with his hand and then looked up at her again.  “It’s just sex stuff, hormones, you’re hot OK.”
         Lila sat stunned; she didn’t know how to even process what she was hearing.  “Um, thanks?  What am I supposed to say to that?  Is it cause you are a guy, and guys think about sex like every minute?  I guess I just thought our close friendship would get in the exclude that.”
         Jack sighed, “Why do you think friends end up falling for each other?  It’s because they’re so close already.”  He sat down on the bed next to her.  “Why did you want to talk to me about this paper?  I mean really, you don’t need my reaction.  Do you think I am gay or something?  Is this why I don’t have a girlfriend?  What is wrong with me?”       Lila gave a smile of relief.  “No I don’t think you are gay, especially not now, I just asked you because you are always the one who makes me realize what I really think about stuff.  I don’t know what is wrong with you, I mean you are attractive I guess, you are nice and sweet, charming, lovable, funny, and just fun to be with.  As for why I don’t dig you that way,” Lila grinned a huge grin, “Well plain and simple, your not my type.”
 
Episode 9:
 
         Lila waited by Kerri’s locker the next morning.  She waited past the second bell and the only reason she went to her class at all was because a teacher asked for her hall pass.  She couldn’t believe Kerri didn’t show up to school, when she was absent she called her before school to let her know.  When lunchtime came around Kerri still was nowhere to be found.  It wasn’t really a big deal that Kerri was out, but Lila really wanted to see her, she always wanted to see her.  It was that addiction she felt, she thought it would pass, but it didn’t, Kerri was still in her every thought.  She sat alone in the lunchroom with her thoughts racing.
         “So you and Jack, I must say it is a shock, you two always act so platonic,” Nicole smiled as she sat down next to her.  “Jack will boost you, I mean you could be voted cutest couple.”
         Lila sat for a while gathering her thoughts, “What are you talking about?  Jack and I are platonic.”
         “I heard he skipped practice so he could spend a few hours alone in his room with you, so you tell me what you were doing?”  Nicole giggled in the most annoying tone Lila had ever heard.  “I just hope you used protection.”
         Lila stood up and turned to Nicole, “You are such a bitch!  When you wonder why we never really connected, why I could never share anything real with you, why I have had to hide myself from you; it’s because of this.  You are so catty and love to make other peoples lives hell.  You think this is just good gossip, but it is peoples lives, you can’t even imagine the harm you are doing!  For your information Jack and I are just friends, and that is it.  We are best friends, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for you.”  Lila slammed down her food grabbed her stuff and stormed off.  She was wild, she was out of her mind, she was so mad at Nicole and wondered why she ever cared what she thought.  She was sick with worry over Kerri, she was so glad she drove her dads Saturn to school that day.  She left school and drove to Kerri’s.  She wasn’t home.  So she just waited, and waited until past sundown.
         She was there until 4 am, and that was when Kerri and her mom came home, she waited until they were inside for twenty minutes before she went to Kerri’s window.  She tapped softly and scared Kerri.  Kerri popped her head out, “Are you crazy?  What are you doing?”
         Lila thought quickly and only had one answer, “I have no idea, but I was worried about you, and then I think I dumped Nicole.”  Lila gasped, “Can I come in?  Please?”
         “You shouldn’t,” Kerri sighed, “Come in, I can’t even get mad at you.  I have a lot to tell you, and your not going to like it.”
         Lila crawled in through the window and immediately started kissing Kerri, she started by the window until they ended up on the bed, there was a fire inside her and she couldn’t stop herself, she just felt so much for Kerri she blurted out, “Kerri I think I have fallen in love with you.”  Kerri burst into tears, “What?  I’m sorry I don’t love you, just stop crying.”
         “No, no this just makes it harder.  I betrayed you.”
         Lila was floored she didn’t know what to think, “The red head, you are leaving me for that red head aren’t you, I thought we had something special, I thought...”
         “What Shannon?  No, No, she is my oldest friend, we used to live in the same building. No I betrayed you with Jeff, I just got great news.  I’m not pregnant.  I had a false alarm, and I was upstate telling Jeff, he was actually disappointed, I think he wanted me to marry him.”  Lila turned her whole body around so Kerri couldn’t see her face.  “I am sorry, I just, no there is no excuse, I messed up.  Worst of all I think I ruined everything.”
         Lila refused to let herself cry, she just grabbed her shirt and climbed out of the house, she drove forever not even thinking of going home.  Before she knew it the sun had come up and it was 11:00 am, so she drove to school and went to the cafeteria.  Lila found Jack and slammed her head down on the table as she sat down.
         “What is wrong with you?  Are you all right, I tried calling you last night.”  Jack turned to her and waited for a response but Lila remained silent.  “What happened, I’ve never seen you like this.”
         “It’s over, I was betrayed, there was never any real feelings.  I am such a fool.”  Lila whispered as tears started toflow.  “Why am I such an idiot?  I never would have known except she thought she was pregnant.”
         “What?”  Jack sighed, “What can I do for you, will you tell me his name now.  I am going to kill him.”
         Lila looked down and said softly, “Her.”
         Just then Nicole came over, “Ok smelly, you wore those clothes yesterday.  Listen I don’t know what was up your but yesterday but I am willing to talk, or are you just a basket case?”  Nicole looked down at Lila with a funny look on her face, “What is with you?  You have been really weird for a while now and I don’t get it.  It’s like you are strung up on some guy or something.”
         Jack jumped up, “You know what Nicole you should go, this is not good...”
         Lila stood up and got in Nicole’s face, “Not possible, I’m gay!”  Then she walked at a quick pace out of the cafeteria and through the halls.  Jack chased after her as her tears ran streaming down her face.  “I’m, I’m sorry.  I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.”
         “Don’t apologize, wait.”  He stopped her and looked into her eyes, “I knew.”
         Lila shook her head, “No you didn’t.”
         “No, I didn’t, but when you said ‘Her’ I knew that I always knew.  Even if I never thought of it, it was like ‘Of course.’  Get it.”  Jack grinned.
         Lila sniffed and wiped away her tears.  “Thank you.  I love you.  You know that right?  Can we just run away fornow?”  Jack agreed and they continued down the hall.  As they were about to go out the door to the parking lot, Kerri walked in.  Lila stopped, she looked at her and she could feel the tears starting to flood.  Kerri looked at her with sad eyes, eyes that normally would have melted her now only infuriated her.  Kerri went to say something but Lila cut her off, “Don’t!  Just don’t.”  She slammed the door behind her.
         Jack turned to Kerri, “She never said anything about you.  She kept your secret and so will I.  I do want to kill you though, but I am gentleman so just leave her alone.”  Jack opened the door then looked back, “Sorry about hitting on you, I’m quite thick.”  He followed Lila to her car and they drove away.
 
Episode 10:
 
 
         Lila woke feeling refreshed; it was the first good morning since “The Incident,” as she liked to call it.  When she said she wanted to run away she meant it, she and Jack took his beat up VW Bug and drove until they hit water.  For two and a half weeks they have been staying in this cabin by the lake.  It was off-season so the rent was cheap, but still pricey for two kids.  Jack cleared out his bank account on the way out of town, he had watched too many TV movies to know not to use his Mom’s American Express.  Jack handled everything right down to calling their parents telling them they were fine and not to worry.  Of course they were furious every time he called but he never explained the reason they left.  Lila wasn’t thinking of her parents or anyone that morning, she wasn’t even thinking of Kerri, she was thinking about herself.  She realized every time she said she was gay, the better she felt and the easier it got.  She knew it was easy because when she told Kerri, well there was no fear of rejection there, and Jack was too understanding, and then when she told Nicole she didn’t have to deal with any repercussions because she left.  She knew the next person she told she would have to deal with all the bad things that come with this sort of announcement.  Most of all she knew she couldn’t spend the rest of her life in this perfect paradise, spending the mornings hiking and thinking, and the evenings sitting by the fire talking with Jack.  They talked about everything, it was one of the first times Lila felt she could be truly open and honest.  She felt more exposed in her conversations with Jack then she ever did with Kerri, and it helped her, a lot.  So she got out of bed and told Jack it was time to go home.  As they drove back they talked about what was to come, making up school work, trying to get Jack back on the team, and how neither of them would set foot out of their house until they were thirty.
         As she stood on her stoop alone Lila had the feeling of dread wash over her, she almost panicked and ran after Jacks car, but he was gone.  She told him to let her go in alone, so that she couldn’t run away, she was right.  As she turned the doorknob her body started to shake.  The first thing she saw was her mother and father, her father gave her the tightest hug of her life, when he let go her mother slapped her.  Lila’s parents had never struck her, she never did anything so wrong.  She stood stupefied in shock as her mother began her rant. 
         “What have we ever done to deserve this, you ungrateful wretch?  We put a roof over you head, food in your stomach, and clothes on your back.  You have everything a kid your age could ever want, when I was young...” Her mother stopped herself, “I won’t give you a line, you have a lot, your life is so easy, we give you all you need, and what do you do?  You disappear.  You run away from home, you don’t even have the decency to call you have your boyfriend do it.  Are you having sex?”
         “Helen!”  He father interrupted, “She is home now, let’s let her get settled and then we can discuss this.”  He turned to Lila, “Honey we are just happy you are alright.  You are home and safe, we just want you to know that we love you and you can talk to us about anything.”  He put his arm on her shoulder.
         “Oh, Mark it is too late for that,” Her mother yelled.  “Well don’t you have anything to say?”
         Lila was unsure of what to say or even do, she had never had any real confrontations with her parents, at least not any when both were present, her father was the hard one, and her mother was lenient.  That night she felt like she was in the twilight zone, these weren’t her parents.  She knew she had to say something, but what?  “I am going to have a hard time explaining myself, because I don’t understand why I did what I did.  I would like to try, well actually I wouldn’t, but I will try.”  Lila sat in the den and took a lot of time composing each sentence.  “Please don’t say anything until I finish otherwise I will never get it all out.”  They agreed.  “I have been growing up.  I have been finding out a lot about myself.  I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster, each day I wake up everything is different.  I hit a brick wall and I was a basket case, I asked Jack to get me away, I needed to figure things out for myself.  Jack and I are just friends, no matter what anyone may say.  He cares for me and I care for him, but not in that way, never in that way.  I have always known I was different, I felt wrong.  I have been drinking at parties and when I go out since the seventh grade.  I think it was me trying to change who I am.  I am not an alcoholic; at least I don’t think so.  I haven’t drank since that night, the night before the talent show.  I met someone that night, I know I told you I was sleeping over at Nicole’s, but I was at a party, and I met someone who helped me realize who I am.”
         “Are you pregnant?”  Her mother blurted out.
         “No Mom,” She took a deep breath.  “At first I thought I was having these feelings because of this person, but I know that isn’t true..”
         Before she could finish her mother interrupted again, “I have no idea what you are talking about, just tell us what you did wrong.
         “You said you would listen!”  Lila stood up and screamed.
         “I don’t care,” Her mother retorted.
         “Helen we said we would try,” Lila couldn’t believe it, but her father was actually defending her. 
         Then her parents got into a huge argument and Lila slipped up to her bedroom, happy to be away from them.  She lay in her bed trying to ignore the shouts from downstairs, by now they were dredging up old arguments and Lila was no longer the center of the agreement.
         There was a knock at the door, her brother Mark walked in, “So you came back.”  Mark was only twelve but he was in all advanced courses, he played an instrument and was in to sports.  He was all a parent could ask for; Lila always resented him for the favoritism his family gave him.  “Mom and Dad kept bugging Nicole and her folks about you.  She wouldn’t say anything; her parents punished her because of it.  She only said something about how gossip can harm lives.  I didn’t get it do you?”
         “Yeah,” Lila grinned.  “She really said that?”  Lila started thinking maybe Nicole wasn’t mad at her.
         “But she told me stuff, stuff I think she said to hurt you or get you in trouble, so I didn’t tell Mom and Dad.”  Mark sat next to Lila and took a deep breath, “One of the things, I mean she said, well are you, you know, gay?  Well Lesbian I guess.”
         Lila’s head started to spin, “Yup, that’s my deal.  Did she say anything else?”
         “Wow, you are, thought she was...” Mark shook his head and made a face.  “She didn’t say much more, but she was grossed out, and said she hated you.”  Mark noticed that Lila had started to cry, “Hey are you OK?  You and Nicole weren’t?”
“Eww, no!”
         “So do you have a girlfriend?”
         “I did, but it’s over.”  Lila grabbed a tissue, “But I am still gay, and I didn’t even get to tell Mom and Dad.”
         Mark sat still for a minute, “So tell them now.  It can’t get worse and they are yelling at each other so bad they can’t be any madder at you than they are at each other.
         “Wow, that is a good idea Mark,” Lila got up and kissed him.  “Thank you, you’re a cool guy.”
         Mark smiled, “I think I like you better gay.”
         Mark and Lila climbed down the stairs; Lila stuck her head over the banister and yelled out to her fighting parents, “By the way I’m a lesbian!”  Her parents finally stopped fighting, the house was silenced.
Episode 11:
         Lila walked through the halls of school she could feel every ones eyes on her, everyone was whispering to each other and when she got close they all got quiet.  She felt like screaming at them all, saying, “Yes it is true, I’m a freak!”  She remained quiet.  As the day went on she was amused by it all, she was giggling to herself as the other kids tried so hard not to stare.  Jack wasn’t in school, so Lila really had no one to talk to the whole day, but she didn’t mind.
         Just before seventh period Kerri came by her locker.  She seemed to expect Lila to blow up at her again, so Lila played it cool.  “Oh, hi.”
         “I know your mad at me,” Kerri started.
         Lila smiled, “I’m not mad, I was mad but I am past that now.”
         “So you forgive me?”  Kerri grinned.
         Lila shook her head, “Not a chance.”  She stuffed her book in the locker and struggled to pull out her coat.  “I cried all the tears I have over you, I was gone for over two weeks dealing with it.  Granted I only spent one week on you, but I am not mad.  I will always be thankful to you for giving me the push I needed to start feeling comfortable.  I’m finally honest about who and what I am, and I have you to thank.”
         Kerri gave her sad eyes, “I didn’t tell anyone.  They all just started talking about you, saying you were gay.  When people asked me about it I just said I didn’t think you were.”
         “I know.  I told people. Just a few, but don’t worry I kept your secret.”  Lila finished packing her knapsack.  “I just feel better now, I mean my family is freaked and it is hell at home, but I feel good.  I don’t even care that I have only one friend left.”
         Kerri smiled, “That one friend is me?
         Lila gave Kerri a puzzled look, “No. It’s Jack.  Of course.”  She turned and walked away not even looking back to see Kerri’s smile fade.  Lila couldn’t help but be pleased with herself, even though her actions had been cruel.
         That night her mother insisted the everyone sit down to dinner like a family.  They ate in silence to start, the tension was stiffening.  After a while Mark started making little goofy faces at Lila until she started laughing.  They were kicking each other under the table and laughing, the more fun they had the more upset their mother got.